The marriage ceremony is not the time to think about divorce. And why should they? This is an exciting time of their lives. Congratulations, parties, rings, gifts and the honeymoon. And if you marry the right person, you will never have to face that decision. People talk of issues to solve, of problems to work out, of compromises to make. Just find the right person and none of those will apply to you. So how do you find the right person? Just listen.
At least two years of dating before talking of marriage will provide you with plenty of clues to make the right decision. Many people give in to the temptation of ignoring the things they don’t want to hear.
One of the frequent excuses of not wanting to break off a relationship is. “I know he/she isn’t perfect, but I have put in so much time and I don’t want to start over again.” Another is, “When we are married I’m sure things will be better.” Unfortunately, marriage does not make problems go away, it usually compounds them.
If you want to find the right person, these are representative of red flags you should pay attention to before you enter into a permanent relationship.
Your date humiliates you in front of friends and relatives.
Your date does not respect your opinions.
Your date is secretive as to his/her work
Your date compares you to other dates he/or she has had.
Your date puts down your ideas as being dumb or childish.
Your date blames you for every bad decision he/she makes. If you think the list is too long, read it again. Most of the things on the list are designed to hurt or humiliate you and lower your self-esteem. You would not want to live your life with someone who gets pleasure in embarrassing you.
These are just a few of the qualities you should look for before you enter into a permanent relationship.
Your future spouse respects you and your opinions
You and your future spouse have the same goals.
Your future spouse builds up your self-esteem.
Your future spouse does not criticize you or compare you to old dates.
Your future spouse does not humiliate you in front of friends and relatives.
Your future spouse doesn’t blame you for things you didn’t do.
If you see these and other positive qualities in your future spouse, you have a good chance of living happily every after
Robert T. Lewis, Ph.D.
Psychologist and Author of:
How Any Male Can Be A Super Dater
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