Okay, here it is, the skinny on the entire deal. In order to keep a wife, a mistress, a boyfriend and a lover you need first of all to have one of two things: either a vast bank account, or an incredible amount of good looks with breath-takingly seductive charm (Afterall, someone has to be financing this lifestyle? If you make your boyfriend over sixty, you might have a good chance of his fortune handling it!). Have a career that requires you to “travel” quite a bit. Even if you’re only working as an assitant salesperson at a local department store, invent the job if you don’t have it. It’s helpful to have a job that takes you from the East Coast to the West Coast to points unknown. For example, if you are a truck driver, it’s very easy to have a wife on one coast, a mistress on the other and a boyfriend in the middle. The lover can ride with you in the cab of the truck, or just be there at the motel six on route 66. Keep an appointment book with all your locations. If you are going to be spending time with your spouse on Christmas and your mistress on Christmas eve, it’s best to plan a trip where they can be near one another. Boyfriends can also be a hassle. It sometimes helps if your boyfriend is also your a. tennis instructor, b. yoga instructor, c. ski instructor, d. secretary. Mistresses make poor instructors. They’re best lounging around in the apartment, or bubble bathing it up! Never come clean and tell one about the other. Imagine the mess. If you can keep this well oiled machine working, thirty years from now everyone you know will be envying how happily married you are. But was it your wife you were seen with? Be careful where you cultivate your friends. You definately don’t want your friends from the clubs in St. Tropez talking to your mistress in New York City, your wife in Westchester, your lover in motel 6, or your boyfriend at the country club. Keep their names straight. Nothing is more of a dead give-away then when you call out Mona, when you are in bed with Muriel, or Michael. By all means, try and date people with the same name. In this way if you are dating Michael at the tennis club and michelle is your wife, it’s a lot easier to remember who your with. If you can’t keep it all straight, just give them all a clever nick name, like “Mickey.” About the author: Richard Smiraldi is a Graphic Designer and writer. He is a frequent contributor at ehow.com.
The world is changing so fast. One minute you’re straight, the next you think you might be gay, and then that early marriage falls into the mix. How do you make it all work? How do you get the whole pie? Well here it is, my secrets, spilled out for the world to see!
Enjoy yourself. There shouldn’t be a happier person on earth. And let them all know that you love them, in the only way you can. Remember that each person has their own special gifts to bring to the table. Enjoy them for their talents, and remember, if it doesn’t work out, you can always replace them with a newer model.
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