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Why are some people born natural flirts and others couldn’t charm the backside of a bus if their life depended on it?

The power of flirting goes beyond attracting the opposite sex. Master the art of flirting and you also become a friend magnet and can use your skills to influence business relationships.

“You’ve either got it or you haven’t!” is often what you will hear men saying when they boast about their conquests. Women, on the other hand, are more coy when talking about a man they have met. So as not to appear full of herself, she will often say to her friends “Oooh, I don’t think he likes me, what do you think?” If she is a successful flirt, however, she will be thinking along the same lines of a man, “Yeah, he was putty in my hands!”

Flirting is an art requiring confidence without being OTT. A successful flirt knows how to get the balance just right; too much and there is a real danger you will be labelled as “slimy” (if you’re a man) and “tarty” (if you’re a woman).

If flirting doesn’t come naturally to you, you can learn to flirt by building your confidence, believing in yourself and interacting with other people.

Here are some basic flirting tips which can be practised at work and/or on a social scene.

1. Have Fun!

First and foremost flirting is fun! Whether you are the flirter or the flirtee it makes both parties smile (on the inside as well as the outside!). Don’t take it seriously; be playful, be light-hearted, be infectious!

2. Ooze Confidence

The best flirts have a positive outlook on life and are happy with themselves. To successfully flirt you need to feel good about yourself before you are able to transmit this “feel good” factor to the opposite sex. If you display a positive and optimistic attitude to life you will find yourself connecting with people who are right for you.

3. Make the first move

Don’t wait for someone to approach you. If it’s someone at work you’ve got your eye on, wait for them to go to the kitchen and then make a beeline for the coffee machine. The same applies in a bar, wait for them to go to the bar and then squeeze in next to them. Start with a simple “Hello” and take things from there. What have you got to lose?

4. Pay a compliment and receive a smile!

A genuine compliment costs nothing and yet can make someone feel so special. If someone looks great, tell them! If someone has achieved something to be proud of, tell them! Once you start making someone feel good about themselves, they are more likely to want to spend more time with you! And if someone pays you a compliment, be proud of the compliment and say “Thank you”!

5. Eye to Eye Contact

Eye contact is one of our most powerful communicating mechanisms. Most people don’t have a problem making eye contact with someone they don’t find attractive but they become awkward in front of people they are attracted to. If you tend to look away at people you like, practice making eye contact with people on your way to work, a quick glance and then turn away. This is a good way to build up your confidence. Don’t stare, however, this will make people feel uncomfortable!

6. Pitch your voice

Learn to vary the tone, pitch and speed of your voice. A voice rich in tones sounds far more interesting than one dull note!

7. Listen

A good flirt has the ability to get people to open up and talk about themselves. Pay attention when someone is talking to you and ask questions to show you are interested. The best questions are the ones which will lead to someone remembering a positive experience about themselves.

8. Move your body!

There are many positive body language signs: lingering eye contact, smiling widely, touching someone, head tilting to one side, running fingers through hair, undivided attention but if you really want to let go and flirt openly - dance! Dancing is a great form of self-expression allowing you to interact with someone and connect.

9. Smile, Smile, Smile!

Make your smile contagious! The more you smile the more people will want to know you and be around you!

10. Don’t be rude!

Flirting does not involve being sexually explicit! Nor does it involve being offensive if someone rejects your advances. If you have been flirting with someone and are not receiving positive feedback don’t get disheartened or take it personally, move on to the next person! You may want to consider a different approach if you are getting a lot of rejections.

11. Send an email

Emails are a great way to communicate with someone if you’re too shy to approach them face to face. Whether it’s someone you are interested in at work or you want to try internet dating, emails and instant messaging allow you to flirt without blushing or getting tongue-tied.

Be careful not to become intimate online too quickly though; it’s easy to paint a rosy picture of the person behind the monitor but until you have met them you don’t really know them. My message here is get to know someone online before arranging a date, but don’t fall in love before meeting them! The reality could burst the bubble!

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